Dirty Little Secret
by 1ellie1
Summary: Hey, this is my first fanfiction story that i've written. So please review! T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Dirty little secret**

As usual Kate woke up in very early morning, she hadn't had much sleep lately due to the reoccurring dream she kept havingThe same dream that she had been having ever since that night when she killed her father.

Kate rolled off her bedspread, pulled back her tarp and sat down in the sand, burying her toes in and watched the waves. Somehow she was always dragged back to the exact same spot thinking about everything, her past, her father, being on the run and she couldn't even believe the next one, she was thinking mostly about Sawyer. She had no idea why she was thinking about him, but she was somehow just drawn to him. She shuffled closer to the ocean so the waves slowly lapped at her ankles; she closed her eyes feeling the cool, soft breeze against her face.

Sawyer sat up frustrated, he just couldn't get to sleep no matter how hard he tried; he was just so hot and sticky, he had to get out. Sawyer slowly pulled back his tarp and walked outside, he was surprised what he saw; Kate sitting practically in the water and about to tilt over.

"Well damn freckles wanna towel?" He smirked.

Kate said nothing her eyes were closed and she was tilting over, Sawyer noticed this and moved towards her and she fell into his arms.

"Easy now, you been poppin' back pills sweetheart?" He teased with a grin but she was unaware, he was getting slightly worried.

"…Kate? C'mon now, time to wake up..." He shook her slightly; she moaned a little but didn't wake. Sawyer cupped his hands in the ocean and gently poured water over her forehead. Kate's eyes fluttered open and she shivered when she realized she was in Sawyer's arms.

"Sawyer? What are you doing?" She looked around at her surroundings and remembered. "Did I fall asleep here?" She asked, confused.

"Hell if I know freckles, I came outta my tent to find you damn near dead!"

Kate laughed.

"I'm serious! I thought you bin' poppin' back pills that's how…worr…er...how damn deep your sleep was!" He knew he had just screwed that one up.

Kate realized what Sawyer was about to say, _Was he really worried about me? _She thought. But she still kept quiet.

"…how come you were out here anyways?" He wondered, his eyes moved down to her clothes and he wondered if she realized she was practically soaking. He couldn't help eyeing her up and down as well.

"I uh...I couldn't sleep" She stood up and noticed that Sawyer was eyeing her up and down. "Hey tex, my face is up here" He seemed to be in some sort of trance and didn't move.

"I know" He slurred still eyeing her.

Kate rolled her eyes and noticed that she was soaking.

"…great, what's more comfortable than wet clothes?" She said sarcastically.

"Well freckles, I know someone who wouldn't have a problem with helping you outta those" He said.

"Yeah, better go wake Jack up" She teased and grinned at him knowing that it would piss him off.

"Har har very funny" He said, trying to hide the jealously.

"Who says I was joking..?" She was still smiling as she turned around. She felt herself going dizzy and lightheaded, she stumbled. Sawyer moved forward and held her up.

"Whoa, you ok?" He held her closer.

"..Um...yeah I haven't had much sleep lately, I just need some water" She swallowed and noticed the dryness parching in her throat. She slipped out of his grasp and went into the nearest tent, which just so happened to be Sawyers.

"Well hey now! If you wanted me so bad freckles you coulda' just said!" he smirked. Kate rolled her eyes and sat down on his bedspread holding her head.

"Here, take this" He gave her a water bottle. He noticed she was shaking; he got out a shirt from his bag and gave it to her.

"What's this for?" She asked confused, taking the shirt.

"Damn woman, if you don't wanna' die I suggest you put the damn thing on" He answered.

Kate smiled, she loved that he cared but she knew he would never tell her that. She had no idea why she liked it so much, that he cared about her, but something inside of her gave out a sudden rush, she liked it. She was just about to take off her top but then stopped.

"Sorry but when did I become a peepshow?" She questioned with a smile.

Sawyer noticed her smiling _Damn why she have to look so damn beautiful when she smiles… _he thought.

He laughed "All right, all right!" He turned around.

Kate went back to taking off her shirt, but she was having trouble with it, it was so wet it stuck to her skin.

"…Um…Sawyer…could you uh..." Kate hesitated.

She hated asking him for things like this, all it would do is give his already huge ego a massive boost.

"Hell it would be my pleasure freckles" He smiled so his dimples showed. Kate rolled her eyes and moved closer to him.

"Would you just do it!" She said to hurry him up even though she wanted it to go slower, she couldn't admit to that.

Sawyer smirked and pressed closer. He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and started to pull it up. He was going to do this slowly, teasing her, to nourish in the moment.

Kate knew what he was doing and it was working. She had goose bumps already, she couldn't help it he was just…so...damn hot! _Ok Kate stop it! Right now!_ She said to herself.

"Would you stop that?" She exclaimed.

"Stop what freckles?" He gave her an innocent look and looked directly into her eyes.

Kate became breathless, the way he looked in her eyes like that just made her heart skip. Sawyer moved his head closer to hers and continued to pull the shirt up.

"…I know what you're doing" She said trying to calm her voice.

Sawyer lifted the shirt higher and let his hands stroke her skin as he did so.

"Oh really?" He said in a low husky voice. He dipped his head lower, still slowly removing the shirt, their lips we're inches apart.

"….Yeah" She whispered as they both moved closer.

Their lips met and Sawyer pressed against her causing Kate to take an intake of breath and with that Sawyer dipped his tongue deep into her mouth. Kate hesitated but then responded, locking her arms around his neck she pulled him closer deepening the kiss. The kiss was long, deep and full with passion and need, they both wanted each other and they knew it. Sawyer was getting annoyed that both his hands were pre-occupied by holding Kate's shirt half way up, so he pulled it up higher and over her head. Now taking her shirt off for an entirely different reason, he let his hands roam free over Kate's body and brought one hand up to her face stroking her cheek and getting it tangled in Kate's hair. He broke the kiss leaving both of them heavily breathing and he moved down onto her neck planting soft kisses and nipping her slightly.

Kate let out a moan and was getting very flustered. She couldn't believe she was doing this. No, she couldn't, she had to get away but with him kissing her neck like that she wasn't going anywhere. _No Kate this isn't what you want, you want Jack - no I don't I really want Sawyer but I cant, I can't do this._ She told herself. Kate brought both her hands up onto his chest and pushed him away.

"I…I can't do this" She stuttered.

"Wh…what?" He said confused and breathless.

"I cant, I have to go..." She picked up Sawyers shirt and started to walk out, but Sawyer caught her by the wrist.

"…stay" He said in such a soft calming voice that Kate nearly kissed him with all the lust and passion she had left, but she restrained herself and tried to block him out as best she could. "Please Kate" She loved it when he used her name normally it was only when he was mad at her, but not now he really did want her to stay.

"I have to go" She said avoiding his eyes, her voice breaking a little. She knew he was giving her one of those looks and that if she looked into his eyes right now she would just fall into them.

Kate turned around and Sawyer picked up her shirt, but when he turned around she was gone. He pulled back his tarp and ran outside.

"KATE!" He shouted but there was no answer, she was gone.

Sawyer stood there, still with her shirt in his hand.

"Son of a bitch" He whispered, he new this was going to be a sleepless night.

END

Well that's the end…for now. If you want me to continue please leave a review and even if you think its complete rubbish leave a review! So yeah reviews reviews reviews!


	2. Alone

It was the early afternoon and Kate was walking through the jungle thinking. She wouldn't even deny that she was thinking about Sawyer, she couldn't stop thinking about him since last night. It was a mistake, yes,but it was so good the way he slowing kissed her neck sucking at it slowly and nipping at her skin it was just so…_OK stop it Kate! That's enough, go to the caves... _The caves, only one thing she could think about in the caves and that was Jack. She probably wouldn't have time to think about anything because he would ask her to do things for him, over and over again. _Curse jack and his stupid medical crap, why doesn't he just ask Ana-Lucia? He seemed more interested in her at the moment anyway. Why is it always me? Damn him _She thought.

"Hey Kate, what you up here for?" Jack said walking towards her.

_There's Jack, oh what a surprise is he anywhere else? Oh yeah he's down at the beach playing doctor with Ana-Lucia. Wait why do you care? No...I'm not falling for him, no way! _Her thoughts were interrupted as Jack was gazing at her for an answer.

"...Oh...uh just came to refill my bottle" She said, holding up the bottle.

"You know, there's water down at the beach, you don't have to come up here all the time" he said softly.

"Yeah I know, but I was walking through the jungle and the caves were closer so...yeah"

Just then Sawyer walked in.

"Well howdy folks! Did I interrupt your lil lovers meetin? Or am I just in time?"

_Crap…please don't say anything about last night. Oh who am I kidding he's probably going to jump up and down and do the bloody funky chicken to boast in front of Jack! _She thought, and cringed.

"Sawyer? What are you doing here?" Kate asked nervously.

"Gotta come get my bandages changed sweet cheeks, something made them rip last night. Hmm…just can't put my finger on what that was doc." He said with a smile.

Kate knew what he was doing; she knew that Sawyer knew she didn't want Jack to know. So why didn't he just tell Jack? I mean he told everyone about her being a criminal, what's stopping him now?

"Well it doesn't matter how you did it, just make sure to be more careful next time ok?" Jack said as he went into doctor mode straight away.

As he re-bandaged Sawyer's shoulder, Sawyer would give Kate looks while she watched him getting re-bandaged. Kate had no idea what these looks were meant to mean, normally she could read him but not now.

Sawyer grimaced and gave Jack a dark look _damn it, why he have to pull at it so hard…some doctor!._ He turned back to Kate giving her these looks, he knew she wouldn't be able to read them that's why he did it, he just loved her face when it went into confusion and worry it was just so cute. But he was looking at her with question, interest and need, three of the many things he hadn't shown to anyone in a while. Sure he would question people but not look at them with it; it was the same as need and interest. He was just drawn to her with need and was so deeply interested in her because she was so dark and different; that's what made him and Kate so alike they were different but so alike. They had a connection. That's why he understood her. But there was one thing he didn't understand, last night why did she leave? She didn't have to; she had nothing to go to. _Yeah she did, had her lil doc to go cryin' to. But in the middle of the damn night? Nah she would be to damn nice to wake him up. She always runs god dammit, always! _His thoughts were disturbed by Jack.

"Well looks like your done, just be careful with it." Jack said, he's said it so much Sawyer was sure he had it written on his damn forehead.

"Took your damn time dint' ya doc" he said with a smirk.

"Look Sawyer if you still want your bandages changed properly, I suggest you be a little more patient, it is a virtue." Jack said in his professional tone.

"Well…whatever" Sawyer replied defeated.

"Look I'm going back to the beach for a bit so I'll see you both later. Bye Kate" He said waving and walking passed and into the jungle.

Sawyer had to ponder how he said goodbye only to her. The way Jack gave her those looks, looks that let her know she was wanted and needed. _Well two can play at that game._ He thought to himself.

"Well looky here, then there was two!" Sawyer said.

"I'm not staying, just came here to get some water" She said walking to the fountain.

"Same here freckles case you dint' notice but I live down at the beach…ring a bell?" He said joking.

"Funny, but seriously I'm heading out see ya" She said taking a swig of her newly filled bottle and walking into the jungle.

"Hey wait up freckles where ya headin'? Wherever it is am I invited? Hell there aint nothing to do back on the damn sandy hills of depression!"

Kate didn't know what to say, he sounded so sweet just like a little boy asking if he can come. But she really needed this time to herself.

"..Sorry Sawyer I was just going to walk around the jungle you would be bored anyway" She hesitated did she really want to turn him down?

"Hey no problamo freckles, just have to go entertain myself with my book about those bunnies, later freckles!" He said obviously disappointed, he turned around and was about to walked into the jungle when Kate shouted.

"Sawyer!" He turned around. "Another time ok?" He nodded and walked away.

_Why you have to go and say no? You know you're just going to spend all of that time thinking about him! _She said to herself and mentally kicked herself for saying no.

Kate pushed back the soft green leaves and walked into the familiar part of the jungle she always came to think and pick fruit. About an hour into her walk she stopped and sat down on a nearby rock and took a swig of her bottle. Suddenly she heard movement and a rustle in front of her and saw a shadow move. She slowly moved backwards steadying her breath, looking around her and still walking backwards. Suddenly she tripped over a stray root and fell backwards.

"Whoa, gotcha" A voice said catching Kate in his arms and bringing her closer.

"Sawyer?" Kate said surprised. Getting out of Sawyers arms and standing upright.

"Nice lil walkabout you got goin on here freckles, but damn did ya have to walk for an hour non stop? You on steroids or sumthin'?" He said taking an intake of breath and smirking.

"You got to be kidding me, you followed me? Kate said.

"Hell didn't fancy reading that damn book twice, to sappy" He grinned.

Kate wasn't unhappy he found her, but it was just the question of what the hell were they going to do now? They would have to head back, but there was no doubt in her mind that Sawyer was going to pull something.

"Look we should really be heading back to the beach, it's going to get dark soon" She said.

Kate walked past him but Sawyer caught her arm, swung her around and pushed her up against a nearby tree. Kate winced as the wood scraped her sweat touched skin.

"Uh uh uh sweet cheeks" He said as he pushed closer against her.

_Great now what am I going to do, I can't exactly avoid him. With him fully pressed up against me oh and his warm breath against my neck…_

"You aint goin nowhere now sassafras" He teased.

"Oh really?" She replied. She moved her knee against his thigh and moved up.

"Well well look wh--" And with that Kate moved her knee higher and kneed him slightly in his groin softly but hard enough so that he would take an intake of breath and loosen his grip on her. She slipped out of his grasp and jogged past him.

"Ah...Son of a bitch!" He recovered quickly and ran after her.

"Oh no you don't!" He called out at her, still running.

Kate was surprised by how quickly he recovered, she heard him call out and it had to make her laugh, she stopped and hid behind a tree and waited for him to appear. It wasn't long before he came bashing out of the bushes.

"Jesus! She's gotta be on steroids" Sawyer exclaimed.

Kate laughed and quietly came out from behind the tree, she had led him into a new area it was completely closed off with huge trees and huge canopy covering any light there was left. So Kate crept up to Sawyer grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him up against the thick hard tree behind him.

"Steroids? Nah i'm more of a heroin girl myself!" She joked as she pushed up closer against him.

Sawyer couldn't stand much more of this, Kate was teasing him immensely and he couldn't take it. Sawyer could just see her in the dim light that was shining through the small gaps of the canopy, even in that light she looked as beautiful as ever, and the light was shining into her green eyes making them more amazing than before. Sawyer moved his head closer and brushed her lips slightly; Kate seemed shocked by this at first but didn't move. Sawyer then deepened the kiss, thrusting closer against her and pushing his tongue inside her mouth, causing her to lean back. Kate let go of his collar placed both of her hands on his chest and pushed him off.

"Stop…" Kate said in almost a whisper.

"Why? What have I done?" Sawyer questioned now was the time she was going to tell him no matter what.

"Nothing, its not you Sawyer"

"Oh common Kate don't gimme that crap, you know full well it's me!" Sawyer said he was getting angry now.

Kate was surprised of how angry he was getting, and how he thought this was his fault. It was hers all hers, it was her fault for running all her life, it was her fault for losing everyone she cared about, it was her fault for falling for someone on a stupid island. _What?_ _I'm not falling for Sawyer. I can't be…no I'm not, defiantly not._

"I…it's my fault Sawyer, it was never yours" She stammered as her eyes were beginning to water.

"Why? Why is it your fault? Please Kate talk to me" He said softly, he held her by the shoulders and looked straight into her eyes.

Kate hesitated but knew she had to say it.

"…I've been running all my life, I've lost everyone I cared about Sawyer, and I just can't take it anymore. I'm a wanted criminal; i'm losing Jack i'm losing you, i'm losing people who I care about!" Tears were now streaming down her face she was about to breakdown.

Sawyer was shocked. At one point she could be standing there teasing him having him up against a damned tree and then minutes later be breaking down in tears. Sawyer wanted to tell her that she would never lose him, ever. He couldn't admit that he was falling for her that would be going to far, hell he cared about her a hell of a lot but falling for her? Nah no way…he couldn't be, could he?

Instead of confessing all to her he just stood there, in complete silence watching and wiping tears from her face. Kate slipped away from his grasp and began to walk away.

"Kate…" He whispered.

"Just leave me alone Sawyer" She replied in a worn out tearful voice.

So he let her, let her walk away. He hated himself that he didn't tell her everything, it was the perfect chance and he skipped it, just let it roll past.

So he was left there in the darkness, alone.

END

Review if ya liked it:D ! And I'll write more if you want! I have some other ideas, so review and tell me wotcha think! Thanks p.s if there any questions or queries you want to ask feel free! I decided to space this once out a little to make it easier to read, if you didn't like it just say so!


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